If you’ve been an avid reader of this blog you know shit went down after I found out my wife wanted a divorce and I’ve been working through it the best I can. I’ve posted a lot about how pissed I was, how I traveled to figure it all out, how I literally wanted someone to die for causing this pain on me, and also how to make almond flour from scratch. Yes I’m random.
This post is about how I was able to walk into a room back in May 2016 to find peace with my ex-wife and the ex-friend she emotionally attached herself to before leaving me. I am writing this because it goes along with my mission to be transparent and I am sure it will help someone out there start down the path to let go of anger towards someone or something in their life.
2014 to present day was filled with listening to 24 hours of Tony Robbins audio books in 4 weeks, meditation, holistic remedies, yoga, crossfit, quitting drinking for 4.5 months, tons of “successful mindset” books, hiking, driving through the Redwoods, talking to anyone who would listen, etc. Sure these were helpful remedies for coping instead of turning to heroin which I’m guessing would have it’s own perks. However, none of this broke me from my anger. The only thing that did was going to a 3 day weekend back in May called Landmark after being referred to it for months by my friend Kurtis.
Now, I’m not going to deeply explain what Landmark is because you just have to witness it for yourself. All I can say is I saw people completely transform the thoughts holding them back in life right in front of my eyes. They would walk up in front of 160 people, explain what was currently wrong and the person leading the event would ask deep questions. That’s literally it. But through sharing their thought process you start comparing it to your life and about 2 hours into day 1 it all clicked for me. I saw what was holding me back from getting over my “failed marriage” and found peace. It’s like you just let space back into your life and gain control.
I called Katie, my ex, and told her what I experienced and asked if I could see her and Chris, my ex friend, the next week.
That Wednesday I drove up to their crossfit which I helped brand when it opened and walked through the front doors for the first time since she left. It was so fucking surreal. We spoke for a while in her office then Chris came in.
This part is hard to write because I have people in my life that probably still think I am an asshole for doing this but they also want me to be happy so here we go. Chris came in the room asked if we should shake hands or hug and I said hug. We hugged, cried and I let it go.
I’m sure people are reading this like “OH FUCK THAT SHIT.” I get it. I totally get it. But I don’t need it in my life and neither does anyone. I do not condone the past but I’m not going to carry it around with me as a burden for the rest of my life.
For 2 1/2 years I lived in pure fire and now I am free. I will live this way from now until the time I die and see the world with new eyes. It is unreal how light I feel. For that whole time I wanted pure harm to happen to someone and was ok with it. That’s some dark shit to carry around on a daily basis.
People are going to do stupid shit to one another and cause pain. How you deal with that pain will define who you are as a human being. I held onto being “right” for 3 years and it lead to nowhere. The moment I adjusted my vision was when I was set free.
My next mission is to take this freedom and live my life to the fullest. I’m a person with big ideas and passion so there’s no stopping me. What I’m going to do with this power is undecided but man, when I figure that shit out you’re going to hear a giant fucking noise.
Hope the world is ready for it.