365(ish)? I’ll explain the last part at the end.
I gave myself one goal when 2016 started and that was to get my energy back.
To accomplish this in 2016 I’ve hired a consultant for adrenal fatigue, took supplements, focussed on macros, started at a new CrossFit, went to hot yoga, took spin classes, meditated, and went to seminars that helped me let go of some serious anger issues.
All of this has been great but there’s one piece of the puzzle that I haven’t tried. Giving up drinking.
Yes, last year I went 4.5 months booze free and it was pretty great. I can say that I didn’t feel 100% energetic the whole time but I was also super pissed off about my divorce. I have since given that anger up and feel this will really help me get to a better place.
I’ve had blood work done and it showed I don’t have any issues that would cause massive fatigue. That’s the scariest part. If you’re leg hurts from a broken bone you can clearly see what the issue is and fix it. The problem with my fatigue is I have NO idea what is causing it. I’m always fucking tired.
Sure I own a business and it stresses me out but plowing through beer and bourbon Thurs – Sunday is not helping.
For the past 2 months I’ve been on the fence if I should even give up drinking again. It wasn’t super easy last year but it also wasn’t super hard. I lost weight, slept well and started to know myself. I think I needed a little more than just 4 months to get my system back in order, though. When the 20 weeks was up I dove right back into old habits. I noticed my depression deepened and I also had the first panic attack of my life. This happened while driving home from my Mom’s house after Christmas. My heart started to speed up, my arms felt like they were on fire and I had severe tunnel vision.
That scared the shit out of me. The problem is I’ve been having panic attacks ever since. Usually while I drive long distances. I went from traveling the US for 7 months in 2015 to freaking the fuck out over a 20 minute drive to anywhere.
I feel drinking gives me so much fucking anxiety that I’m pretty much over it.
I’ve done a lot of reading, talked to friends who don’t drink and they love it. I’m on the fence how much I’ll love it but why not just try it out? This next year is going to happen anyway so why not do something that could be life changing? Besides, when was the last time a year didn’t fly by?
What do I expect from giving up the sauce? A clear head, more focus on my business, playing music again, discovering new things about myself, being open to truly connecting with people, finding new passions, losing weight, better skin, no brain fog, happier liver, increased bank account, and loving myself.
I’m over being so fucking numb all the time. I’m usually a mess on Monday mornings because of Sunday Funday and it takes me til Wednesday to feel somewhat normal again. It’s shitty.
The sad part is wondering how I can socialize with people. I read something recently on Hip Sobriety where she talked about drinking. She said, “I literally hated it. But living without it seemed like the end of the world. Or at least the end of my world.” This is how I feel. I have such a love hate relationship with drinking. I don’t even enjoy it anymore but fear how I can even be around people without it. That to me is a problem.
So why do I feel the need to announce this and make a big deal about it? Because the thing that kept me 100% in check the last time I went booze free was letting people know about it. All you have as a human being is your word. I am committed to making this a very powerful year and this is my way of declaring my commitment to myself. I’m creating the possibility of being fearless and free.
I just want life to taste exciting again. Right now it tastes like styrofoam and that scares me. I used to be full of fire and inspiration. Lately I’m just floating through the days. This can’t be the foundation for a guy who wants to have a family one day who he’ll cherish with his soul.
So yeah, 365(ish) days of no drinking starting today. What’s the “ish” part? Welllll, just in case I go a little nutty I’m giving myself 300 floater days.
I’m giving myself 5 floater days. This means out of this entire year I am granting myself 5 days I can use whenever to drink whatever. Between holidays and weddings I want to allow myself a break. Maybe 6 months in I won’t need to use all of them.
All I know is that I won’t fail.
People question why I always have to put such pressure on myself. I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I feel life is so short that I want to feel alive as much as possible. I’m not here for mediocrity and don’t plan on sleeping through life. I could potentially have another 60 years to shake shit up on this planet. I’d like to be awake for all of it.