When I started this blog I was on a mission to better myself through mind, body and spirit. This was due to my Dad suddenly passing away last October and I also wanted to prove something to Mike Doyle. That’s me. I started 2014 ready to conquer the world. 3 weeks into the new year my wife left me. Needless to say that put a wrench in the gears as far as motivation to keep up with paleoRiot.
I was and am angry. Sad. Confused. Destroyed… I think destroyed sums it all up. I am fucking destroyed.
I sat in my room the morning she left and pretty much broke down. And then I decided I could live in a ball on my floor for the next year (or 5), or I could take a different path. I chose the latter. The following things have saved me these past 4 months:
1. Love yourself
I can’t express this enough. Right before all this shit went down I started to write in a gratitude journal which my wife had given me for Christmas. Every day I wake up and write 3 things I am grateful for. One thing I write is, “I am grateful that I have love for myself”. Now, this doesn’t create love but focusses it on you. Not what’s on TV or all the other shit in the world that doesn’t matter. It makes you tell yourself that “Hey man, you’re kind of awesome and no one can take that away from you.”
This has saved me. Every morning when I wake up I meditate for 15 minutes. I either put my headphones on and listen to sounds from the calm.com app or I just sit in silence and breath. I also do this for 15 minutes before I go to bed every night. I can’t express how much this has changed everything. When you stop and listen to yourself you start to see what matters to you. Sure your head will race in the beginning but it will stop and the main things that you need to pay attention to will stand out.
3. Don’t turn to the bottle
I should probably have been drinking my face off for the past 4 months but I decided against it. Yes, I still drink but nowhere near the amount that my body can handle. Moderation has been key. I also kept up with my love of cooking and didn’t give into the single lifestyle of take out every night. Feeding yourself food that makes you feel like ass on top of being an emotional wreck is the worst thing I could have done. I also found a new CrossFit to workout at. This place has helped me surround myself with amazing people and will eventually give me the abs I need to wash my clothing on.
4. I’m writing music again
This obviously isn’t for people who don’t write music BUT find a creative outlet. Writing music is everything to me and I gave it up the last 7 years. No idea what I was thinking. The moment I started playing guitar and writing new music I found an outlet for the anger, sadness, and whatever shittyness I’ve been feeling since January. I knew I was onto something the moment I wrote a new song and the chords I hit just made me cry. I literally sat in my apartment and played those chords for what seemed like an eternity just to get all of it out. It’s been my therapy to say the least. Plus anger makes for some great lyrics. Just saying.
5. Find your support system
My friends and family have been rocks for me. I feel bad because every time I talk to people these days I just vent about what’s going on but they all listen. They are fucking troopers in my book and I love them all. If I had no one to talk I would bottle all of this up and just lose my shit. That’s not an option for me.
I’m sure I will have my breaking points but as long as I don’t succumb to the darkness then I’ll get myself out of this a lot faster.
Plus I’ll be in sick shape and have a killer album. So, yeah. There’s that, too.